On My Faith, My Honor, My Duty

My faith is something I speak of quite infrequently for I despise hypocrisy, and I know myself to be lacking in far too many areas to attempt to give even a modicum of guidance or advice to anyone in my day-to-day speech or even in my writings. But I do at times tend to share my faith with those closest to me. And of course any who find themselves reading my ramblings on this page from time to time. But such words are meant as reminders to me, as reminders of those blessings I tend to find myself overlooking at times. Times of hardship and turmoil and sorrow can cause us to lose sight of those blessings still before us. I am no different than many others in that I have at times fallen into dark places, of my own making and of others’, and I have had to fight to make my way out.

Lately I have been fighting such an uphill battle. I have made clear my belief in Evil and the fact it preys on the unsuspecting person’s belief that man is inherently good. Evil would have us believe it does not exist and all men have within them a heart of good. But I know that to be so very false. I, and others like me, have seen Evil in the hearts of men of all walks of life. Evil dwells among us and hopes we would make excuses for it. It hopes to break those good among us and cause us to despair. I refuse.

There is so much going on in my life that I could lament; but my faith, my family, my friends, and all they represent, all that makes me who I am compels me to keep fighting the good fight. I do not have to be good in any innate sense. My hope lies outside myself and at times shows itself through me and my brothers. The enemy comes upon us in many ways and through many channels, but it is up to us to remain focused and deliberate. For there is far too much hanging in the balance.

Watch out for each other, brothers and sisters. Be a source of strength for one another when the other’s strength does wane. We have a duty and a calling to fight the good fight, but we also have a duty to help each other when the fight becomes a bit too much. The weight of the world is taken up by my kind far too eagerly. We pride ourselves on being there for those who cannot fend for themselves. But we many times buy into the fallacy that we are something other than that which we protect. We are not. We have just answered to a higher calling.

But even knights can lose their way. Even knights can at times despair. Even knights can fall.

Be a comfort to one another, even if it is only to check in from time to time. I am thankful to so many for words of encouragement over the years, but especially the words I have received from many friends and those I consider brothers in recent days. Keep the prayers going. And if any of my friends and extended family should ever need me, I hope you know I will always be there to lend hand or ear or simply a presence perhaps to share a few beers.

Fight The Good Fight

On the verge of something great and terrible, at the precipice and upon the ledge we stand.  We are so very near to the end game, that payoff for all the discord sown in our homeland. I pray for those lost souls who have bought into the lies spoon fed the masses.  The violence we see now is but the beginning and it is only a taste of what those playing this game wish to see.  For the great power grab to take effect we must become embroiled in a war against ourselves.  And it is happening.

My heart is breaking at the deaths of warriors at the hands of those using sheep’s clothing to blend among those we protect.  Dallas, Texas has seen one of the worst attacks on police I have seen in my time in law enforcement.  And I fear this is only the start of something some very intelligent and calculating people in power wish to see.  The end game is not yet clear, but it is always about power and control.

Pray if you can, if you will, if you believe.  And if you are one of the wolves who believe the attacks are warranted, woe unto you.  Though my heart breaks now, I am still resolved to fight unto my last breath.  I know that I will awake in the morning and continue about my day and still hold my head high for I and my brethren are honorable and live by a code only few comprehend.  But tonight I go to sleep with the heaviest heart I have had in a very long time.

I have shed tears sporadically throughout the evening as more news has come out of Texas.  I have had to hold them in while in the presence of my children for I do not wish to frighten them.  I have looked upon them and wondered at the cost to them should I meet a similar fate as those who have already made the ultimate sacrifice.  Too many people make too much noise about too many things they know so very little about.  This electronic age has given a voice to some with exceptional insight and really great ideas about everything .  But it has also given voice to idiots and those who would bring out the worst in those who feel anything similar to their despicable beliefs.

I am experiencing so many emotions right now: pain, heartache, sadness, anger, rage.  I have read some of the most hateful comments in the wake of several black men killed by law enforcement over the past few days.  And I have read vile comments made by some people in respected positions in society over the past few hours following the ambush attack on officer in Dallas that so far has resulted in four deaths with others still in critical condition.  I cannot even put into words the vitriol that comes to mind when reading such hate.  But I do not hate.  No, not hate.

I pity such useful idiots.

They are but idiots and are useful to those powers pulling their strings.  This is far from over, friends.  Far from over.  The thin blue line is strong and will continue, thank God!  But beware, those who applaud or even just condone and make excuses for such attacks on my brothers.  Those hands that attack the sheepdog will have no qualms about slaughtering the sheep.  And then what?

There is an end game.  There always is.

Hug and kiss those you hold dear: parents, wives, husbands, sons, daughters, lovers, all family and friends.  And pray.  No day is promised, and each day could be the last.  Use that time wisely and courageously.

Stay extra frosty brothers.  Watch your six.  Watch each other’s six.  Be extra vigilant.  And don’t ever stop fighting.

 

Midnight

It is that magic time, when one day becomes the next, when we move into a subtle future of which we many times are unaware, when time holds still for the briefest moment if we will but take note. In midnight there hides darkness, and in darkness can be uncertainty. Uncertainty is the killer of purpose and the stumbling block to action. Uncertainty can lead to frustration and falling back upon ill-conceived processes and disjointed thoughts. Uncertainty may well be the path to blight of the soul should the Enemy get a foothold and make any true headway.

But uncertainty and resultant discord of the soul are not meant to last, and such hardship ought not be allowed to run us to despair.

I have been there, close to brink and nearly falling over into the chasm. It is a familiar place though not one I dare say I hold dear. It is only familiar because I had been there far too often as a boy and young man. But such times are behind me now, such things are in my past, such things are not for my present nor my future.

But that old familiar sting remains familiar, and sometimes it seeks to dance with me again. Sometimes I move quietly onto the floor and breathe in its essence and remember its embrace. But always I do open my eyes and mind and soul to the light that has always been there, though it may have been shrouded by my own negative beliefs about myself. We are beings of light, some honed to a brightness that can only be shrouded should we allow it.

I sometimes need to remind myself of this. Even if the sometimes are farther and farther apart.

I wrote the following poem in September 2014 as a reminder of who I am and who I am not; and to whom I belong. (“Devil’s Eyes” was originally published in Social Letters And The Finding of Happiness.)

 

Devil’s Eyes

There was a time I looked into the devil’s eyes
And he looked back into mine, smiling all the while.
He grasped my hand and whispered sweetness in my ear.
His touch was warm and inviting,
Filled with empty promises and subtle little lies.
And my heart voiced its warning
But my tortured psyche ignored
And I walked for a time in his presence.

Yet through serious intervention
At the hand of God’s divine devices
I opened my eyes and saw the truth of my plight
And thereby made amends and reconciliation.
The truth is we each have within us
The ability to blindly follow the easy warmth of deceit
Or to stand up and make the hard call
To rest upon the truth and to work for what is right.

There is no providence, no path but that we choose to follow.
There is no making of darkness prescribed for some to be bound.
Light is wrought for the masses
Though darkness would have us believe otherwise.
Any prescribed belief to the contrary
Is naught but the hand of control:
Control of the mind, the body, the soul.
Maintain your soul.
Let it not become a plaything of darkness.

©Wayne Delk

Applies To Dogs, Old and Young

I wrote the majority of what follows while seated on an airplane, flying back home from a week-long trip to Nevada for training. The training was exceptional and kept the majority of my mind occupied during the week; it was the downtime during my trip home that allowed me some mental space in which to operate and put into words some of the extraneous thoughts that had been swirling about my head during the week. 

I began this trip to the Las Vegas area with some excitement and even posted a few photos during my first day seeing a few of the sites. I had no commitments on Super Bowl Sunday and was able to visit the Hoover Dam and even see a show following the Super Bowl.  The show was nice, though a bit raunchy for the likes of the family I was seated with. The week continued into the first day of the week-long class I was attending.  And my excitement was curbed not only by the amount of work we had to put in to prepare for our end-of-the-week test, but it was also greatly diminished by the ongoing news of police officers being gunned down nationwide.

Perhaps the most difficult news came regarding the news of the Riverdale (GA) Police Major who was shot and killed on Thursday.  I was in class when I began getting text messages regarding his death. I was a bit shaken to say the least. The class I was taking is put on by Force Science Institute, and it is not an easy course. It requires a lot of concentration during class (several of the presenters are college professors) and some amount of self-study outside of class. I found myself a bit stretched mentally as the week progressed.

Although I did get out a few more times during the week, I was a bit hesitant to do so. I made a few new connections with officers from other agencies, and ended up hanging out two nights with a few of them.  It was good to do so. Otherwise I likely would have found myself stuck within my own thoughts regarding the attacks on police officers that seem to continue to occur with only us making any real note of them.

The course is a full week long and focuses on the dynamics of human response to stimuli, human movement, and human memory.  All of these things are related to police uses of force and the effect stress has on the body and the mind. The cognitive processes, effects on memory, and reflex versus cognitive perceptions are also covered to a great degree.  But even so, it is difficult to process and remember so much information.  The program is but an introduction to a mountain of ever-increasing research into the processes by which the human brain functions in stressful situations and how that coincides with cognitive functions during and following Officer Involved Shootings (as well as other stressful force encounters).

I have been intrigued by Dr. Lewinsky’s work and the information I receive from the Force Science newsletter I regularly receive. This course has made me even more interested in learning as much as possible about the dynamics of motion, sight, sound, perception, and memory as they all relate to officer-involved uses of force.  The peer-reviewed research and published data do so much to disperse the myths floating around in the minds of those who rely on media and politicians (i.e., those with perceived and well-known agendas) for their information on police and our use of force training and procedures.

The amount of blatant disregard for human life is so apparent to me and my kind yet so blindly ignored by so many sheep.  So many people would rather believe something with no evidence or data to back it up. If only publicly asserted facts are given weight while more important yet contradictory others are ignored, what difference does it truly make then? The blame game is a very potent one indeed.  It directs the attention of those who perceive themselves as powerless against some grand scheme set in motion to suppress them.  But because of sheer ignorance of facts those same helpless become hapless and fall prey to the true power that seeks to subjugate them.

We are not the enemy of the people.  We are its guardians at times and its warriors at others.  We are the sheepdogs who roam amongst you, seeking out the wolves who would have you believe otherwise about us. Though our teeth might at times frighten you, know this: Should you allow the greater powers to file them down or even take them from us, you will be left defenseless when the wolves show up, or when those powers that be take full hold of all you so blindly have given them domain.

To my fellow sheepdogs, be ever mindful of your surroundings and ever guarded in your steps.  Watch each other’s sixes, and stay sharpened in your skills. Be mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared for the fight.  And do not speak ill of those warriors who go before us.  Don’t be that guy who purports to know all. We learn from each other’s triumphs and so too do we learn from each other’s mistakes. Honor our brothers by learning from their deaths.  What we learn, we teach. What we teach, we ought live.

A Duplicitous Few

Per Merriam-Webster, “duplicity” is defined as:

1. contradictory doubleness of thought, speech, or action; especially :  the belying of one’s true intentions by deceptive words or action

2. the quality or state of being double or twofold

The duplicity of politicians and those in the public eye has become commonplace and acceptable to far too many of us.  It is interesting to see so many pay such particular attention to the evils of those they disagree with and make continued reference to those items, even if those ideas are blatantly taken out of context.  Yet it is interesting to note the ability of those same persons to excuse, gloss over, or outright ignore the same in those with whom they hold some distinctly long-held belief (even if such beliefs are contrary to otherwise empirical evidence).

Hypocrisy abounds on both sides of many political issues.  There are too many people giving opinions disguised as facts, many times based upon others’ opinions disguised as facts or misleading headlines to news stories never read fully, and without a thought to any sort of fact checking.  The really interesting thing is that when factual information becomes widely available those same individuals never acknowledge their erroneous words or observations.

It is so very telling of a hypocritical duplicity inherent in those who care not for any sort of tolerance, but only long to push their agenda upon the rest of us.  Those agendas fly rampant on either side of the political fence.  And it is the weakest (of body, mind, and spirit) who suffer the greatest injustice at the hands of those who spew an opinion-riddled agenda under the guise of factual information.

It would be so very refreshing to return to days in which information needed to be vetted before it could be reported.  And it would be more conceivable to learn to take every word of every career politician and compare it to past action and not hold its value in accord with empty rhetoric.

Be wary, sheepdogs, for it is becoming more and more evident that our lives are not viewed as even remotely as important as even the most heinous of evildoers in the minds of those willing sheep who believe even the most obvious lies being sold (nay, given away for free) in most public forums.  I do not endorse any sort of fence building or circling of the wagons, but I do wholeheartedly profess the need to be ever vigilant in these times.  And I know there is a very large and growing segment of the population who sides with us in our righteous quest to hold the perpetrators of lawlessness accountable for their actions while maintaining peace for the great majority of those living in our midst.

God bless the sheepdogs and the entire flock we protect.

Active Shooter Training: It’s Not Just For Police Anymore

Today I sat in two very different meetings regarding active shooter training at two distinctly different institutions: a hospital and a church.  The meeting at the hospital was in preparation for a tabletop exercise to plan for an upcoming live drill.  The hospital already has armed security (some of them former law enforcement) and part time active police officers working off duty as well.  The meeting today was more of a preparation to meet with various managers and department supervisors to make sure certain details were readily and easily explained should they have questions.  My role in this tabletop will be more of an explanatory role as far as what the police response to an active shooter will be and why it might seem counter-intuitive to those in the healthcare field.

But the meeting later in the evening at the church was far different.  Though the church has a small contingent of uniformed police officers on Sundays, their main job is traffic direction at the end of the service.  Those officers do spend time in the church proper during the early part of the actual Sunday service and through a great portion of it, but they are not in the church the whole time.

And there are members in the church who regularly carry firearms (concealed) and have expressed an interest in carrying in church with the permission of the church administration.  And thank goodness the church is addressing this issue and asked for my input.  I gave the standard answer to many of the questions posed to me, falling back on the laws regarding carrying firearms and the rights of individuals to refuse to allow church officials from searching bags/containers and up to the possibility of persons being asked to leave and even possibly being arrested for Criminal Trespass should they refuse to leave the property.

This was only the first of several meetings this newly-formed safety committee has planned.  I am glad I was allowed to sit in on the first meeting and that I have been asked to participate in future meetings.  I was asked a very important question when I arrived: What do I feel is the most important consideration for the individuals who are going to carry firearms in the church?

Training.  I looked across the table at several faces and expressed my belief that proper training is the most important thing they can do to make sure they are best prepared for an active shooter or other deadly force encounter in the church. The meeting went on and I also briefly discussed a police response and the need for specific protocols for those armed individuals should they have need to draw their weapon in the church and should they be challenged by responding officers.

I was impressed with the forward thinking of the staff members in attendance.  They were in agreement with me when I stated later in the meeting that it is not a matter of if an attack will happen but when will it happen.

We prepare for the worst while we hope and pray for the best.  More sheepdogs (in sheep’s clothing) waking up and refusing to be victims.  God bless them and us.

Let The Clamor Commence

Talking heads and keyboard warriors speak loudly with proclamations of the need for more federal gun control legislation.  The false narrative of gun violence being out of control once again is being proclaimed.  Facts to refute such claims are willfully ignored and easily dismissed by those who find the gun itself as an evil to be rid of at all costs.

Well, folks, that’s just a bunch of malarky.

First and foremost, the USofA does not hold claim to more violence or murders per capita than other nations.  There is ample evidence to support that, and I have even referenced a very reputable Harvard publication to this end.  But the facts simply don’t fit, and therefore they are ignored.  A narrative in support of legislation to curb violence must be a good and sensible narrative, right?

No.  It simply is one of control.  It is one of slight of hand.  It is one meant to divide and conquer.  Beware the pundit who would blame an inanimate object for the actions of those who would kill, maim, or otherwise ravage the innocent.

Violence (to include gun violence) is rampant the world over.  Guns are simply more efficient a device, a tool if you will, at achieving said violence.  But the tool must not ever be restricted or denied, to a great extent, to the free people of our land.  I won’t get too deeply into the reasons behind the 2nd Amendment to our Constitution.  But there is great reason for us (individuals) to have access to weapons that our government has access to.  Humans do not change from age to age.

An all-powerful government with all-reaching control cannot be trusted to protect its populace from itself.  Power corrupts and so on.

And as for the need for more stringent gun control legislation, well let’s just say perhaps some people need to try to muddle through the legislation (federal) already on the books, much of which is not even enforced by our beloved Executive Branch (I wonder why):

Gun Control Act: 18 U.S.C. Chapter 44, 27 CFR Part 478

National Firearms Act: 26 U.S.C. Chapter 53, 27 CFR Part 479

Arms Export Control Act: 22 U.S.C. Chapter 2778, 27 CFR Part 447

National Instant Criminal Background Check System Regulations: 28 CFR Part 25

Nonmalleable Firearms: 18 U.S.C. Section 1715

And the rampant gun violence in cities such as Chicago, Baltimore, and Washington, DC, are more evidence to refute for tougher gun laws.  The gun violence there is the result of illegally owned guns.  (There happens to be a city in my own county which requires its homeowners to own at least one handgun, and the gun violence in that city per capita is extraordinarily low.)

China is one really great example though.  They don’t have a big gun violence problem.  It is almost non-existent.  The military and police have a pretty good lock on guns (though there are guns out there illegally).  Their police officers don’t have to deal with much gun violence (per capita).  But what they do have to deal with is edged weapons.  A lot of edged weapons.  Apparently, they like to use meat cleavers to do mass killings over there.  Meat cleavers.  They need more stringent federal legislation to curb that meat cleaver violence over there.

Oh, and let’s just keep out heads in the sand regarding the impending terrorism coming to our soil (or rather, already here).  There have been terror training facilities under surveillance here for some time.  The feds have been handcuffed in even surveilling them due to diminished resources and other weaknesses displayed from far above them.  My fears are not based on any abstract rhetoric.  My fears are based on the concrete data so many find so easy to ignore or simply dismiss.

Stay sharp, sheepdogs.  Many of us know what is perhaps even closer to being reality than others.  The rest of you (those who despise that evil gun), keep on watching and waiting for someone else to protect you.

The Beast Invited In

“Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on…they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them.” Revelation 14:13

But what of those still living and seeing the horror unfold before us?  It appears that so many are so very unwilling to call terrorist attacks what they are, especially if the attack is from an islamist.  It is amazing and at the same time necessary.  It is a culmination of a well-coordinated effort to weaken and destroy the West.  Us.

From the unity and resolve shown following the islamic terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, to the politically correct thought police of today who are ready and effortless in their ability to strike down any who might slander anyone of a protected designation.  Lest we forget ourselves and bow down to some self-proclaimed spokesperson for the people we claim to be.  We are far too great and far too capable of righteous violence ourselves to ever fall upon our knees and pray to falsity and live in abeyance to such drivel as is now becoming the norm in so many parts of the world.

But we must be prepared for such as is now approaching.  We must be ready to fight for what we love.  And the we I speak of is not just my brothers and I, for it is a given that we will fight, it is rather the quiet and resting giant in the heart of America that I speak of.  We are a great and mighty foe to Evil.  We need to be prepared to fight.  For death is the only defeat the Enemy understands.  And for any who believe as I, we know that death is not a defeat when the fight is righteous and the cause is our life, our liberty, our culture, our family, our faith.

I pray for peace for Paris, but my prayer for peace is through an awakening and through the use of force to fight and fend off the Evil now lurking in their midst.  I fear that Evil lurks in our own midst, and the beast will likely make moves here as well.

God bless all the warriors and those they deem worthy enough to protect.

If I Died Tonight

If I died tonight would any of my so-called friends, those social justice warriors, mourn me.  If my death were at the hands of some disenfranchised immigrant who shouted to some god in a foreign tongue whilst also quoting some utterly inane verses steeped in hatred and bigotry.

If I died tonight for nothing more than being a shield, a warrior, a defender of the Republic, would those same criers for justice laud me as a hero if my death were the result of someone of a “protected” class.

If I died tonight would any other than my family (blood and blue alike) even care to know me, care to embrace any legacy I might leave, care to feel for my now fatherless children.

If I died tonight would you suspend your agenda long enough to see that my death means at least as much as, but likely far more than, the life of one who died in the commission of a crime or while involved in some shady business you like to pretend does not exist.

If I died tonight I know my brothers and sisters would remember me as the man they know me to be.

If I died tonight I would not have died in vain.

But if the enemy comes to take me, he best bring many tried and true allies for I will not go without a fight, and until my last breath I promise to take as many of them with me as my hands can reach with whatever weapon i can grasp.

For death is not the greatest thing I fear; rather it has become the lack of living with purpose that is the greatest fear I have.  My life is filled with purpose these days, and no man can remove that from me, nor can he shift it from my sight.

God bless, warriors, keepers of the thin blue line.

Nightmares and Fears

Have you ever had a really strange dream that woke you and then stayed with you all day?

I’m sure some of you have.  It’s a weird thing, I suppose, but not anything so very out of the ordinary.  Yet for those in my line of work, some dreams are telling regarding what fears we suppress.  I guess dreams are telling for everyone else in this regard, but when part of your job is the constant possibility of using deadly force in the course of your duties those dreams can have a really telling and potentially chilling effect on the dreamer.

I awoke in the early morning hours of November 11, 2015, having had one such dream.  Or perhaps it was a strange series of dreams that morphed into the one which awoke me.  And of course it involved the use of deadly force, but it was not in the performance of police duties.  It was simply to stop some who were in the act of killing others.  But it was so very real and surreal.  It embodied several fears that have affected me in many different ways throughout my career.  And these fears don’t necessarily affect in a negative way.

Taking the life of any person is not something I relish.  I have a distinct understanding of my duties and my commitment to them is unwavering.  That said, I am in no rush to take the life of anyone.  However, I am ready and willing to use whatever force necessary to prevent anyone from causing such harm to me, my brothers, or anyone else in the public that might severely injure or kill.  I have trained for this my entire career and have known the righteous warrior within me for much of my adult life.  But such knowledge and training does not negate my humanity.

Public safety is one of those professions that exposes its workers to all manner of injury, mayhem, and death.  We do get to see the worst in people and the worst of humanity.  We get to see the ugly side of the world in which we all live, though many refuse to accept as reality.  And that, I suppose, is a good thing.  Good in that those willing and able to work to keep such abject Evil at bay do so on a regular basis.  But we still remain human.  We still are affected.  We still must face the demons we daily push into our subconscious.

Sometimes those demons come to us in nightmares.  I’m pretty sure every cop has had the really messed up dream in which the service weapon would not fire.  Or it fired and the round just sort of fell out of the gun, useless.  Or every pull of the trigger was a simple click on a dead primer.  Or the trigger would not pull to the rear.  Or all of the above and then some.  And sometimes we dream of the instances our guns work just fine, but it is the situation we must use them that is the disturbing part of the dream.

Children always have gotten me in my work.  I do not like visiting pain on children.  I do not relish being a part of the pain any child must bear.  And I have prayed I would not ever have to use deadly force on a child, any child, for any reason.  So of course I had a nightmare about children in deadly force encounters.  Of course.

There were a few dreams that morphed into one another.  But the one that got me and awoke me was a doozy.  I won’t get into the vivid details (and if you’ve read any of my fiction you are well aware I can be quite vivid in my description of violence, gun or otherwise), but I will give a little info on the overall feel.  Active shooter type situation.  People being shot at random.  No law enforcement yet on scene.  I am there off duty.  Hunkered down and hiding a few unknown children behind me.  Of course my pistol is in hand and I am sighting in on one of the two shooters.  I am preparing to take quick and speedy action to stop the killing.

But the shooters are a husband and wife team and they have their two children in front of them.  They are crouched behind their children using them as shields.  Head shots.  Both of them down.  Then the two children pick up the guns to start shooting again.  Of course I am left with but one choice.  Remember, I dream vivid details.  It’s not pretty, but I do my duty.  I stop their killing.

And I wake up nearly in tears.  Yeah, we’re all cold, heartless creatures I suppose.  I mean, who dreams about shooting parents and their kids?  Nobody but us cops, right?

God bless, warriors.